New Year=New Beginning

Welcome 2013...I haven’t written a post in a while and wanted to write about my progress. I have been feeling very well lately.  December 2012 has been the best month that I have felt really good so far  during my treatment.

Some of my Progress:

  • I have started yoga again at home. (1 hr, 2x a week)
  • Walking back and forth from my home to the train station (2 miles) everyday.(I sometimes only walk home from the train station, because now the weather is too cold)
  • Use my treadmill more often.
  • Cleaning and cooking more around the house.
  • Staying up till after 10pm.
  • Not talking about lyme as much as I used to.
  • Stepping  into grass/wooded areas now.
  • No longer AFRAID.
photo

My Shadow and the trees

My treatment plan has changed and I started it the beginning of December and so far so good.

 

New Year= a New Beginning.

Some of my resolutions which I hope I keep are:

  • Attending a Yoga Class (2x per week)
  • Volunteering atleast once per week
  • Studying for GRE for Graduate Admission in March
  • Exercising more often.

Overall, I hope this New Year brings health and happiness to my inner me.

Happy New Year,

-R

 

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A Time for Everything

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

Boxing Ring

Ding..Ding..Ding.. GET IN THE RING!

All of life is like being in a boxing ring

You are faced with different opponents, situations, circumstances, that you must overcome to win your battle

Be strong

Who are these opponents that are fighting against you?

They are called “life” opponents

These opponents can make us stronger or crumple you down to your knees

You have the option on how hard you want to fight

How hard you want to live

How hard you want to push

How much you love yourself to keep on sweating and fighting that fight

Sometimes your own opponent and worst critic is yourself

Be strong

The person who loves you most in this world is yourself

Love and protect yourself

Put on your boxing gloves and fight

Fight with all the strength you have

Fight with all your soul and heart

Raise your arms up, protect your face

Fix your eyesight sharply and directly at your opponent

Give your opponent that stare

That stare of strength

That stare of not letting this or anything defeat you

Your gaze and senses are heightened to the oomph degree

You will become more agile than before

You know you will win this

You know you are strong

Look at it in the eye..knowing you will win that fight

Be strong

Love and protect yourself

One Year Anniversary

A few days ago marked my 1-year anniversary of when my 4 months of symptoms last year of “anxiety, depression, stress, sickness, lethargy, fatigue, stiffness, etc” AKA lyme disease was finally diagnosed. I did not want to write this post because it reminds me of how long I have been dealing with lyme. Some days I try not to think about all the things it took from me at one point. However, it is my reality and I share this poem with you.

For this one year, I write this poem for you.

1 year of symptoms,

1 year of fear,

1 year of learning, patience & hope.

 

1 year of crying,

1 year of frustration,

1 year of living day by day,

1 year of ups and downs, & acceptance.

 

1 year of explaining,

1 year of expressing,

1 year of explaining over and over again & being an educator about lyme.

 

1 year of faith,

1 year of dreaming,

1 year of questioning, believing & trusting.

 

1 year of changing my habits,

1 year learning about myself, being myself, & stop being perfect.

1 year of eating healthier, cutting out sugar and stress.

 

1 year of family,

1 year of strength,

1 year of relying on others & asking for help when I need it.

 

1 year of struggle,

1 year of taking it easy,

1 year affecting my mind set.

 

1 year of changed goals,

1 year of seeing the lighter side of things, & laughing at myself.

1 year of knowing that after all of this, I will help others. The ones without a voice.

 

1 year of darkness,

1 year of my hair falling out and then having my baby hairs grow back in.

1 year of light & knowing that, the end to all of this is near.

 

1 year of growing,

1 year of yearning,

1 year of figuring out new things that help my body, mind and soul.

1 year, 1 year, 1 year, 1 year….

1 year from now, I will look back at all of this and say….

1 year… I am a survivor.

It’s a small world…

It’s a small world!

Yesterday we went to the airport to drop off a family member since he was heading back to Argentina. As I was walking to the AA Self Check in, I saw a very familiar face walk past me. I told my husband “I know him!, It can’t be!” and saw him go to another line in the airport. Since we were in a rush, we did the self check in but I kept telling my husband, “I need to see if it’s him!”. After we were done, I ran(YES RAN!) to where I saw him last and scouted the people in line. I shyly asked “Dr. Raxlen?”..Yep..it was him.  Anyone who has seen “Under Our Skin” the movie or with lyme disease knows who he is. He politely said “yes” and we stood there talking for a few brief minutes. I introduced myself to him, telling him that I was not a patient of his(uh duh) but all that I have been through. That I couldn’t stand before and now I can. I told him that I knew of a girl (but forgot her name at the moment-see Andrea’s blog here Lyme with purpose) who has a blog and was in a wheelchair and now under his treatment is better.  I told him my future plans for kids and he said that yes, during pregnancy it is better safe to be under low doses of antibiotics so that it will not pass to the baby(I knew that).  I told him thank you for all that you do. He told me to keep at it, keep fighting it.

I felt so happy. Happy that I shared my tiny story with him. Happy that there is really an end of the tunnel to all of this. Happy that for some reason I bumped into him. It’s a small world don’t you think.? What are the odds of me seeing him? Why did I bump into him? How small is the world?

When I think of the saying “It’s a small world” the Disney song pops into my head. I pulled up the lyrics today and even with it’s annoying repetitive chorus…I never noticed how really simple the lyrics are yet have the right meaning. I leave you with this song/lyric.

It’s a Small World-By Richard M. and Robert B. Sherman

It’s a world of laughter,
A world of tears.
It’s a world of hopes,
And a world of fears.
There’s so much that we share,
That it’s time we’re aware,
It’s a small world after all.

Chorus:
It’s a small world after all.
It’s a small world after all.
It’s a small world after all.
It’s a small, small world.

There is just one moon,
And one golden sun.
And a smile means,
Friendship to every one.
Though the mountains divide,
And the oceans are wide,
It’s a small world after all.

Chorus:
It’s a small world after all.
It’s a small world after all.
It’s a small world after all.
It’s a small, small world.

-R

Over the moon

September 21, 2012 will always be a memorable night in my life forever.

Let me explain the reason why. 

Thalia is a latin pop singer/actress, who in 2008 was also stricken with lyme disease. When I fell ill last year, she was one of my biggest motivators that I will also get better. Her story of being diagnosed with lyme disease and doctors telling her it was depression or anxiety after the birth of her baby..sounded alot like all the other lyme misdiagnosis we always hear.   You can read about her story here: http://lymedisease.org/news/touchedbylyme/thalia.html. In her book “growing stronger”, she also talks a little bit more in detail of her struggles as well as seeing the end of the finish line  to battling her disease.

I listened to her music in the most difficult part of my lyme disease process, even when I didn’t have the strength to dance, I did..to her music even though the next day I would ache and hurt.  Her songs inspired me, pushed me and soothed my heart and soul with love. I remember listening to her music and crying. Crying with a combination of sadness and inspiration from her music and lyrics. It inspired me, that I too will get over this hurdle. 

I entered a contest to win tickets to see her perform live in NYC and won! 

 

I always say things happen for a reason. Who knew that a year later of my lyme diagnosis and feeling better, I would have the chance to see her in concert. She was dancing, jumping, singing, and doing everything a “normal” person would.  She even had a second baby after battling with lyme (which is another inspiration for me, since we would love to have children soon). She triumphed over her lyme disease and she is one of my biggest inspiration of triumphing over this disease.  The biggest accomplishment of the night for me, was that I stood in line with high heels to get in the concert for about 2 hours(standing this long and still feeling well). 

 The concert was wonderful and I am thankful that my struggles brought me to her music. Her music is filled with so much love and joy that it always leaves me feeling really good afterwards.  I enjoyed a night of music, love with my mom and sister in law and over all a sense that I too will win this battle shortly. Thank you Thalia for touching my life in a positive way and  for touching so many people’s lives.

Life has surprising twists and turns…a memorable night that I will always remember.

I leave you with this wonderful picture of the Empire State Building that I took while standing in line..such a beautiful building (I couldn’t stop staring at it).

-R

Fall is in the air

Fall is in the air and I love this weather. I love the feeling of a brisk fall day and I feel that this morning. I embrace you FALL, (bring down this humidity and the puffiness of my hair).

September has been a really good month for me so far, compared to the previous ones. Lyme disease has taught me many things. Since my lyme diagnosis last year, it was all scary and new. Things I should and shouldn’t consume were hard to live with. Now I embrace this change, I have changed my diet for the better and feel better. I have incorporated a raw vegan diet, not 100% raw, but trying to eat more fruits and vegetables everyday. Drinking more green smoothies, eating big salads, eating natural and healthy foods.  I cut out dairy, sugar and eating gluten free and I have been feeling much better. If I eat too many greasy foods, I don’t feel well, my body has gotten used to eating healthy, so If I feed it crap, my body gets mad at me.

At this stage of my lyme disease, I am no LONGER afraid, like I was in the beginning. Symptoms now come and go, but they don’t fade me or knock me down. I am trying to ignore them and know that I am slowly getting better. When I get frustrated with this process, I look back at times when I couldn’t stand for long periods of time, or all I wanted to do was stay in bed, but now I embrace the times where I actually feel like cooking, cleaning and doing all the normal things I used to do. Even going to the supermarket and browsing the aisles, I feel a sense of accomplishment.   This is a long process and the saying I say over and over to myself is “Life is a journey, not a destination”.

I have also decided to go back to school and obtain my masters degree. I am a bit hesitant on how I will handle it, but I need to be distracted.  Lyme will always be part of my history but now I have to deal with what I have and just go for it. I always wanted to be a psychologist, but now things have changed. I am thinking of a masters degree in Health. Community Health, Health Policy, anything to do with health, even nutrition…we will see what I decide.

The more stamina I have, the more I want to do more. I want to spread the word on lyme disease and trying to start volunteering or advocating it as much as possible.

That’s it for now..It’s a beautiful saturday morning and I am off to enjoy the day.